Mother's Day

Dear Nanny,

Yesterday was hard. Like really hard. You were supposed to be at home when we came back from church so I could give you your rose. Instead, my rose rode in the Jeep's backseat and Momma put it with her roses in a vase on the stove. It wasn't the same - we went out to Cracker Barrel instead of going home to see you and PawPaw. Yes, we saw him the day before at my house, but it wasn't the same.

Remembering now that the picture of the grandkids in your casket is the one we took on Mother's Day some years ago.

That just makes yesterday even harder, Nanny. You should have been here. I needed you so bad. I've needed you for the past week or so. Only two weeks since you flew up to Heaven, but it feels like a lifetime without you here.

I know each year is going to get tougher and tougher for all of us especially PawPaw, Momma, and Uncle Paul. Because it isn't the same without you here. A grave is just a placeholder for where you used to be. A place we can go to feel closer to you, but it isn't you nor is it the same. No "How's Em?" "This is Nanny." "Be good." when I talk to you. No looks or hugs or hand squeezes. I miss your voice. I miss you talking about how you ate too much. I miss you asking about my book. I miss reading to you and laughing with you as I explain something. I miss laying beside you watching the Country Music Channel or Lifetime. I miss it all. I hope I didn't take it for granted. I hope I am still making you proud. I just miss you.

I wish you were here to see my house. But you'll be remembered in every way possible as we finish up and I start moving in very soon. I can't wait to have memories of you with me as I start this new chapter of my life. I know you are with me. I know you are watching.

Well, I'm all talked out. Crazy, right? It is. Keep watching Nanny, things are about to start happening and you'll love them.

I hope your first Mother's Day in Heaven was everything you hoped it would be. I hope you had a good first one in years with your mama. Sending you love in Heaven, my sweet angel.

Until Next Time,

Em